Note: This article is about anxiety as a mood, rather than as a clinical condition. For professional advice on any mental health issues, please contact a medical doctor or psychologist, or call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
"Hello darkness, my old friend…"
We are living in troubling times. Even though the sun is shining here in Australia, and the northern hemisphere is seeing the first signs of spring, the darkness of an uncertain future - at least in the short- to medium-term - is hard to avoid or ignore.
During this period of extraordinary uncertainty (it seems that COVID-19 is 'just' the final straw, following years of political and social upheaval), it's natural that some of us will veer towards anxiety from time to time. I mean, how else do you explain people hoarding toilet paper? And even though we might have the self-control to avoid engaging in this and other more extreme forms of anti-social behaviour, anxiety can creep into our emotional repertoire in other ways. In a workshop last week, a colleague and I witnessed a few teary outbursts that seemed less about the workshop content and more of a brief release of pre-existing emotional tension. You've probably come across examples of this in your own life.
At the same time, we're also seeing so many examples of kindness, compassion and generosity, not to mention strength and resilience. This crisis is bringing us together as citizens not just of our own countries - as people across Italy have demonstrated by connecting with each other through the universal language of music - but also as citizens of the world. As physical boundaries are increasing, perhaps the boundaries of our humanity are also expanding.
So clearly there is hope.
And the difference between hope and despair doesn't necessarily lie in how quickly or effectively our governments respond to the current crisis, or whether we or our loved ones are directly affected by COVID-19, or whether we have an adequate supply of toilet paper.
It lies in our "way of being" - our attitude, our mindset, our way of showing up to and in life.
More specifically to the current situation, it lies in our ability to manage our own anxiety, so that we retain the ability to be "choiceful" in how we respond to the current and emerging challenges of this unusual period in human history.
"Hello anxiety, my old friend..."
Most people don't know that I have a long and laboured relationship with anxiety. Not clinical anxiety, but an anxious temperament, if you like.
For the first three decades of my life, I was a world-class worrywart. I chewed up vast amounts of emotional energy worrying about things that would never happen, and I invested whatever energy I had left in pretending everything was under control. (I'm sure I'd qualify for an Honorary Doctorate in Anxiety, if there was such a thing!)
And yet, now, people are often telling me how calm my energy is. I have discovered the ability to observe without reacting - not always, but most of the time. Curiosity has become my default setting.
This "way of being" didn't come to me easily but through a sustained effort to overcome an ingrained habit of reaching for anxiety as my go-to response to uncertainty. Here are some of the strategies that have worked for me in this regard and may help you and those you care about to navigate "the new normal" with more peace and presence:
Breathe. It can be kind of annoying when someone reminds you to do something that you do naturally all the time (and potentially ironic when COVID-19 causes breathing difficulties), but there are a couple of reasons why breathing is so important. First, our breathing is part of a feedback loop with our nervous system: when we're anxious, we take more shallow breaths and this tells our brains that we're in danger; when we're calm, we take deeper breaths, which tells our brains that we're safe. We can reverse engineer this process by managing our breathing. The trick is to exhale for longer than you inhale (for example, inhaling for three counts and exhaling for four to five counts). Try this for a minute and see what happens. Second, it's not just about breathing – it's about connecting your awareness to your breath. It's about focusing your attention on something simple and essential and, in doing so, detaching from the drama, even just for a few minutes. Again, try it and see what happens.
Focus on others. If you're reading this post, you probably enjoy a lot of privileges that others don't. This is not about "privilege-shaming"; it's about putting things in perspective. The reality is that anxiety is a fairly self-centred response. We’re concerned about how we might be harmed or experience suffering. And that's understandable. A simple way to bypass that response is to shift our focus to others – whether in terms of connecting with our loves ones or showing concern to strangers. During the peak of the bushfire crisis in January 2020, I (along with millions of others around the globe) found myself becoming quite anxious. Thankfully, I found a productive outlet for my anxiety by volunteering with a local humanitarian relief organisation. This led to a radical shift in my energy – from anxious to enthusiastic; from overwhelmed to determined; from worrier to warrior! All because I shifted my focus from myself to others (and yes, it helped me as well).
Be curious. I wish I owned shares in the concept of "curiosity", because it really is one of the most powerful tools I have used for managing my own anxiety. Even more so than courage, curiosity enables us to be open to new possibilities that don't yet exist and creates space for creativity. When we're gripped by the mood of anxiety, we tend to be focused on the worst-case scenario (i.e. catastrophising). We can get stuck in a mode of "What if… [the worst happens]?" When we are in curiosity, our attention can shift to "What if… [things could be better/different]?", which can lead to "What can I do to make a difference?". Curiosity is such a powerful anxiety-buster because it helps to shift our focus from what could go wrong (external, disempowered) to what we can do (internal, empowered).
Look for the silver lining. One of my core beliefs is that "everything happens for a reason". Whether this is objectively true or not, I don't care. This belief has enabled me to not just overcome challenges but to find the growth opportunity in them, time after time. When something shitty is happening, I ask myself: "What is this meant to teach me?" And now, because the current situation is happening on a global scale, I ask: "What is this meant to teach us, as a collective?" Here's one perspective that resonated with me recently: https://www.instagram.com/p/B9lPyjEHW3x/
Appreciate the ordinary. In extraordinary times, it pays to appreciate the ordinary – the things that help us to retain a sense of normality. A few days ago, I did a U-turn on a busy road and realised how tight my car's turning circle is. That made me smile for a whole five minutes! And that moment of gratitude put me in a more positive frame of mind so that when I went to the local market, I could appreciate the abundance of fresh, healthy food that is still available in our community (away from the hysteria of the supermarkets). So just as you might take your daily vitamins or superfoods, consider adding a daily shot of gratitude into the mix. If you already do this, then savour it. Virtually all of us still have so much to appreciate.
Now, if you've read this far, you might have noticed a theme. It's all about shifting our focus - in particular, from what we can't control to what we can control.
And as we practise this in our daily lives, we might notice something interesting. We might notice that the antidote to what we're experiencing may be the exact opposite of how we're tempted to react. For example:
where we're tempted to react by hoarding, we're being invited to respond by sharing (preferably with a dollop of hand sanitiser!);
where we're tempted (and even required) to react by self-isolating, we're being invited to respond by finding non-physical ways to connect with others;
where we're tempted to react by treating others with suspicion or disdain, we're being invited to respond to them with compassion.
And so on...
We are living in extraordinary times. Without wishing to minimise the genuine suffering and hardship that the recent crisis has caused for so many people, this crisis also contains the seeds of so many wonderful opportunities that we are only just beginning to discover. I'm talking about the opportunity to slow down, to reflect, to connect within and across communities, to take better care of our mental, emotional and physical health, and maybe even to discover a higher purpose in all of the chaos and confusion.
Finally, if I can support you in any way during this challenging time, please feel free to reach out. I'm not selling anything – this is a genuine offer to be of service as a listener, confidant and fellow human being.
Be healthy and well!